Each ending is a new beginning. I have heard and seen this phrase this countless times this year. But what of those situations, relationships, or memories you never wanted to end. Memories that left our minds involuntarily, moments you never ever thought you'd forget, you are unable to recall the color of a persons shirt, color of their eyes, smell of their cologne. I didn't want this relationship to end, I want to remember every word of every conversation that we ever had, I want to smell his smell after he shaved, ready to go to Bustler's for a fried chicken supper.
I can hardly believe that he will never meet any more of my grandchildren. Bubba will carry on his name and so will our little Moo Moo, I hope this is a start of new tradition. I know I will never forget him in my life time and I hope that my children will forever carry on his memory. In less than 2 months it will be a year, since his passing. There is barely a moment I don't think about him, wishing I could call and tell him something, or hoping that he will call me. His number is still in my cell phone and pops up when we get a call from Aunt P.
The majority of 2012 has been in remembrance of my Uncle B., he left us in March so unexpectedly. I've heard a million times how much better off he is, there is no pain and suffering, there is no sadness or tears, and oh how he is rejoicing. I am selfish and sad for myself and family. I know I will go on and things will progress with out consideration of my pain.
However I have allowed this pain to cover me, I can not deny the joys that have been so bountiful in 2012.
* it's been 10 months and 10 days since I last smoked, it has almost gotten to the point that cigarettes gag me. I wish others would not smoke in my home, but apparently no one else cares.
*Bubba 10 seems to be leveling out on and controlling his impulses of adhd. I don't actually disagree with a diagnosis of adhd, but I really think 85% of his adhd is just him being a boy.
*My oldest daughter B 24 and her daughter MooMoo 4 moved in with us at the end of October. Having a place to call home, the fact that she wanted to come here, and being so close has been a wonderful, stress-filled, noisy, happy, fun, grumpy adventure.
*My husbands job affords us home, car, and just enough to get by. Some times I am tired of just getting by, but I am thankful I can complain about that not something worse.
*Being a SAHM&Gma, I am so thankful that. My husband never complains if the laundry piles up, sometimes the dishes are still in the sing the next morning, or if he has to fix supper at 6:30 because I have had a really bad day.
*My other 2 daughters, TBerry 19 and ARS 17, are growing into beautiful, independent women, who know what they want. Going to school, working, and living life, putting off babies at least for now.
*Our super small church growing by leaps and bounds this year. Being related to almost everyone in our church, having a personal relationship with Christ and not afraid or ashamed to admit (and yes, I know that this should have been my first statement!)
*Still have both of my parents, sister, niece, and the majority of my 13 aunts & uncles, and a whole new string of family that gave me another dad, brother, and 3 more sets of aunts & uncles and tons of cousins.
*Living in the town where I was raised and only a block and a half from that house.
*I could list a million more things I am thankful for in this year alone. Last, but not least... I am thankful for the life I have and chances and second chances that have been afforded to me.
Happy New Year
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